Fatherhood: A test of faith, love, patience & time

Two cars both with cooling issues. Both at the same mechanic, at the same time…. Thankful my mom has a spare car…. Taking donations… Lol. I hope to get this caught up sometime soon. The wife and I have been dealing with a lot. But, it is memorial day! Off to visit some friends for a pool party…. Then on to try and tackle some PHP Programing (teaching myself). The anthropology, biology and working through religion degrees are of a HUGE help.

To have BOTH of our cars in the shop? Give me about a half hour and I will tell you how awesome it truely is. Jeep is beyond my scope and cavilier is not ready……. good times.

Here is the very rough version of the speech that I am giving tonight for my 9th speech out of the CC manual…. Enjoy, Comment, Think

I AM A DAD, I am scared out of my mind, and it is interesting what I can come up with to speak about in 30 min.

It seems that with all that is going on in the United States as of late that there are many times that we are bordering on the verge of becoming misanthropic.  I think that the hardest pill that we have to swallow is attempting the impossible, being optimistic.  I know, I know, there are those of you in this very room that would contest that you ARE an optimist.    You would be able to stand amidst the sea of millions that would all be… wrong.   I am not talking about just being optimistic about today, your job, your home.  I am talking MUCH bigger.  Your community, our state, our nation.

We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.

Our forefathers penned these words in 1787, 225 years ago YESTERDAY. 225 years ago, The United States was a fledgling separatist continent of people that were fed up with the monarchy,  exhausting 25,000 lives, leaving the same number wounded, and changing the lives of the 2 and a half million living there, and all of those that would come, forever.  Makes you kind of rethink what the entire 1% talk SHOULD really be about, right? Did you know that during the revolutionary war 85% of all eligible people had some active part in the war that granted us the opportunity to even have a constitution, for us to be called the United States?  This number towers over the minuscule 12% (at best) today. As a model of cooperative statesmanship our forefathers did their best through debate and discussion to leave behind the structure that remains intact today.  The structure upon which most of what the 313 and a half million living here today still benefit from.  But there seems to be something wrong.  What these people fought for, died for, risked everything for, stood up for and screamed in the face of the monarchy that they were not going to take it anymore; seems to have lost its luster.  These ideals that I hold close and dear to my heart, for some are mere more than a dusty mantel piece shrouded in worry, fear and disgust.

With all of the bickering, worry, fear, and hate that seem to be flooding our news I would not blame any of you for feeling down.  But, here is the problem.  As we, as individuals, continually lose sight of some very important things, we become complacent.  It is through this compliancy that we start to care less and less, seeing all the bad as the end of it all.  Feeling that there is little change that can be done to fix anything.  Thinking that with this election that is coming up that there is nothing that can be done, and that your opinion does not make a difference.  Then you start to lose grip on the ideals that this country was founded on.  On the core values that makes us the United States.  Patriotism follows suit and what is left.  Not much.  Then there are people like I, and countless other before me, have risked our lives to provide the blanket of security that you still bitterly sleep under every night.  Being willing and able to become part of the 2.4 million that gave it ALL. 

FDR gave a speech in 1941 in which he broke down all of the freedoms that we have into four fundamental freedoms that “Everyone in the world” should enjoy.  Freedom of speech and expression, freedom of worship, freedom from want and freedom from fear.  Taking to heart that no other county has a constitution like ours should empower you as an American citizen, should bring pride into your heart.  Regardless of some of the things that seem to be going on, there are a few things that ring true.  We all still have these freedoms, if we want to see change, we can make it happen.  I do not think that the actual word should be can… I think should is much more descriptive.  With so many things falling by the wayside, we should be gravitating towards things that allow us to expressively and justly use our freedoms. 

“But I am just one person” you cry out against this.  In part, you are right.  You are an individual. You have your own path that you choose to walk.  Good job.  But we are called the UNITED States for many reasons.  Least of all is that we are a collective, a throng of bodies that move with the ebb and flow OF THE PEOPLE.  We are not subject to the rule and command of one.  Each and every one of us has the ability to let our voices be heard.  If you believe strong enough and deep enough that you would be willing to do what others have done in the past, to be willing to lay down your life to support and defend the constitution of the United States, against all enemies foreign and DOMESTIC; that we would bare true faith and allegiance to the same. If this is the case, then you should be willing to speak louder.  Your voice could reach the ears of another, spark something.  Then next thing you know your singular voice has become two.  As this continues to grow, if it is real and good, then before you know it your 2 could become thousands, tens of thousands, who knows.  Then, simply by using your constitutional right to speak freely you could change your community, your state, your nation.  This is democracy, this is where we live. 

Are things great and easy right now? NO!!! But think of a couple of things… has anyone ever been promised that every day would be easy? Did a leprechaun climb off his unicorn to whisper in your ear that rainbows would always fill a sky of butterflies and cool breeze?  I know I have never been promised such a thing.  The other thing is to consider that we, even in these times, have certain inalienable rights that are granted to us JUST BECAUSE WE LIVE HERE.  Close your eyes for a moment, just a moment and try to think about what life would be like without the rights that you have today.

Freedom of Speech, Right to bear arms, protection from quartering of troops, protection from unreasonable search and seizure, due process, rights of the accused, civil trial by jury, prohibition of cruel and unusual punishment, protection of rights not enumerated in the constitution, powers of states and people, not to mention the OTHER 13 amendments that have been added since the bill of rights was penned.

These rights are not just for our protection, but they give us the methods to be the gentle wind of true change that becomes a hurricane.  So, unfurl your flags that are in your closet, and stand proud my fellow Americans.  Become the change that we keep hearing about and keep America… America. Get out there and do SOMETHING, vote, run for office, get signatures, enlist, be a voice. DO  Something that preserves these rights, the ones that that we ALL take for granted. Preserve them for the future generations of Americans that WILL come.  For if we do not stand up and fight for what we believe in, if we get caught up in all of the “bad news” that is a small blip across the scope of time, then the change that we will get will be EXACTLY what we feel the awesomeness of being an American is worth… nothing.

5/11/2012

Hi friends,

Guess what? I’m a month old now.  I was allowed to go home from the NICU on April 21^st, which means I stayed there for almost two weeks.  Mom and Dad stayed with me in my room the whole time, and we were all ready to go home by then.    Most of the time was spent taking x-rays, scans, taking different tests, and rapidly increasing my feeding amounts to get me back to “normal”.  The test results were really positive: all of my internal organs function well, I passed my vision and hearing tests, my digestive system processes my milk very fast (which means I don’t have any blockages), my MRI was clean, and my toes have all of their separate bones and some are only joined at the skin level.  This means that it will not be a lot of work to separate the toes that are fused later on.  One of the nurses called me a big baby, considering most of the others in the NICU are less than 4 pounds.  It made us all realize how much healthier I am than most of the other babies in there.  Mom and Dad talked with a few of the other new parents, and many of them are facing months of critical care.  It’s hard to feel sorry for myself in a place like that, and also to feel blessed that God has spared me from many more serious problems.

My pediatrician said I was 6 pounds 10 ounces and 19 inches long when I visited him on April 24^th.  That means I’ve already gained back all my birth weight plus 4 ounces.  I’ve been drinking a lot of milk since then, and Mom thinks I’m over 7 pounds now.  I’ve been eating so well on my own that Mom even took out my feeding tube.  It’s really nice to breathe better now that my nose and throat aren’t as irritated or congested.  The doctors want me to be weighed every week just to make sure I’m still gaining weight.  We’re also in the process of registering for state and federal assistance with all of my hospital bills.  We have insurance, but monthly visits with seven doctors, a few big surgeries, and two weeks in the NICU is a lot for regular insurance to cover.  When you think of me, please pray that God will provide ways to pay for this great care I’ve been receiving.  If you are interested in learning more about my doctors, the main team works for the Virginia Commonwealth University Center for Craniofacial Care in Richmond.  It is an amazing blessing that I was born in a hospital where some of the best craniofacial specialists in the area work.  I think maybe God planned ahead for me.               

So much has happened over the last month.  I have had so many visitors, which has been fun and exhausting.  A few weeks ago my Grandpa and Grandma came all the way from Indiana to come visit me!  I had so much fun!  It always seemed that I was being loved on and held, so I would return the favor by sleeping.  I cannot wait to get a little older so that I can have my mom and dad take me all the way to Indiana to see them again.  While Grandpa and Grandma were visiting, Aunt Em and Uncle Patrick came in to see me too.  I remembered Aunt Em from my time in the NICU, and Uncle Patrick looks a little like my dad.  I think that I am going to like him a lot, he seems like a nice guy.  Thanks Aunt Em for taking such great pictures!  My Aunt Amy is visiting me now.  She has been helping my mommy and daddy and she is really good at taking care of me.  She feeds me, and changes me, and plays with me.  It is so much fun that I do not want to go to sleep sometimes.  There were lots and lots of pictures taken, but I do not mind.  The flashing use to hurt my eyes, but not anymore.

There was one night that I was not feeling so good-I think it was too hot.  Daddy took my blanket off and stuck this thing behind my ear and I heard a beep.  Next thing I know, mommy was holding me and daddy was turning on the light (which was really bright) and putting cold things on me.  Mommy was talking to me softly and singing a little.  I did not like the cold.  But in no time at all, I was snuggled back up, the light was off and I slept for what seemed like forever.  Another time my dad was a little scared about something.  My Gigi came over to take care of me and he took my mommy somewhere.  I found out later that mommy had to go see the doctor for an infection.  I just hope that they were as nice to her as the ones that I had in the NICU.  I was able to spend some time with my Gigi, and that is always fun.I have also gotten to know my dog Salem.  She is a big black border collie that seems to always be around.  She is really good about letting Mommy or Daddy know when I need a diaper, or I am hungry, or I just want to be held.  She keeps licking my hands and feet and her tongue is wet and cold.  Sometimes it makes me shiver.

Yesterday I went to see the eye doctor.  I don’t close my eyes all the way when I sleep sometimes, so Mom and Dad have been putting eye gel in my eyes a few times each day.  The eye doctor recommended that we add some drops too, just to make sure my eyes stay in good shape.  I don’t like having so many things put in my eyes, but I am happy that I can look around for every sound I hear.  Even though I don’t close my eyes all the time, there has been no damage to my retinas or corneas.  My pupils also respond well to light.  We will be coming back when I’m six months old so that the doctor can continue to monitor my vision.  He also referred me to an oculoplastic surgeon to evaluate the structures of my eyes and eyelids.  So yes, I have one more specialist to charm in two months. 

I’m surprised at how many doctors are interested in me.  I must be pretty special.  I am continuing to grow and I try to impress my mom and dad with my strength every day.  I have been working really hard at lifting my head.  I like to see who is holding me.  When I do lift my head, if my daddy is holding me he showers me with kisses.  His beard tickles, but that is ok.  My mommy and daddy keep saying that my eyes are beautiful.  Daddy always says that I have my mommy’s eyes and his flakes.  Perhaps someday I will understand that, but it must be pretty cool.  Thanks for being my friends and praying so much for me.   

Lots of love, XOXO,

Zoey (with some help from both Mom and Dad)

it is because she is THAT awesome that I feel her letters deserve an announcement… deal with it.

Quite possibly the most important thing that I have learned in the last month of fatherhood… time goes way to fast.  There is no way that I could have prepared for the last month… all of the changes, all of the incredible – heart melting moments, and all of the time that I could have been sleeping, but I had decided to get lost in the stillness of the moment while holding Zoey. 

Fathers-to-be… remember NOW while you prepare for THEN that this time is fleeting… enjoy EVERY moment you can.

I AM A DAD, I am scared out of my mind, and I wish I could slow down time – just a bit – to enjoy these moments even more.